从用词是否准确、语言是否流畅、单词句型是否丰富,单复数、思路清晰、语法有没有错误这几个方面入手,点评一下看看如果要是10

从用词是否准确、语言是否流畅、单词句型是否丰富,单复数、思路清晰、语法有没有错误这几个方面入手,点评一下看看如果要是10分满分 我能打几分?
As all knows,smoking,which,as always,posing a threat to our life and environment,is spending a gross of money of the world and depriving the rights of people to be healthy.
The picture shows that the percent in the hole population of the world is nearly 20%---while the world’s number is 5.8billion,the part of smoking is 1.1billion.And under the astonishing number of it is that countless loss of both wealth and lives:as the image says that there are almost 200billion dollars loss away and 30million people die in each year.The destructive impacts and the painful sufferings it brought us evenly surpass most kinds of virus does.
While it offers us the data that make us be aware of the consequences of smoking are perilous,it also provided that there is a literally deduction.The output in 1995 was less than the last year—14.2billion pound in 1995 while 14.364billion pound in 1994.It is mainly because the favorable politics,but,it has not been as successful as people expected.
I suggest that the way we may stop people from smoking is to join the efforts by all sectors of society to ban the tobacco,and additional more forceful measures should be considered by the government.

首先你的开头部分的复合总句给人的印象还不错~先让人眼前亮了一些,至少我亮了一下,
“And under the astonishing number of it is that countless loss of both wealth and lives”这句我总觉得有些拗口,你再斟酌斟酌?
“people die in each year.”把in去掉会好些吧还有“die”用的不对吧应该是dead
你该不会是自助翻译的吧,后面的我看不下去了!@!
在看完的情况下10分,我给你5分就已经很照顾了
考研的话,给你6-7分吧,如果你运气好……
句型,没多少；
思路,较清晰；
语法,基本对；
说真的,我个人建议你练练再说吧~