请老师帮忙评分（30）并修改一下高中作文,

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请老师帮忙评分（30）并修改一下高中作文,
假定你是李华,你班同学决定为小明举办生日聚会.请你写信邀请外教Susan参加,要点包括：1.时间：周五晚八点至九点
2,地点：学生俱乐部
3,内容：生日歌,蛋糕,游戏
Hi Susan,
We're throwing a surprise party for Xiaoming' birthday(开头已给出）
I’m writing to invite you to the party.And there is something significant you should know:to The party is be held in Students' Club on Friday.It will start at 8:00 pm and last for about an hour.Besides,it will include singing berthday song,eat cake,as well as playing game.We hope that you will accept our invitation and carry a present if it is convenient for you.
You're welcome to come to the great ball.

Hi Susan,
We're throwing a surprise party for Xiaoming('s )birthday.
I’m writing to invite you to the party. （And there is something significant you should know.这句话感觉多余) The party is (to此处应加,be to do 表将来 )be held in Students' Club on Friday. It will start at 8:00 pm and last for about an hour. Besides,（用得好!）it will include singing (a/the) b(i,少字母)rthday song,eat(ing,include后面接多个并列宾语,用动名词形式) (the吃的是小明的生日蛋糕,是特指) cake,as well as playing game(s游戏是可数名词,要么用单数加a, 要么用复数,此处用复数更好,因为可能要玩很多种游戏).We hope that you will accept our invitation. (and carry a present if it is convenient for you.应改成
A present will be better. 其实,这句话不说也可,感觉好像非得让人家买礼物似的) You're welcome to come to the（great ball应改成party,因为great ball是指盛大的舞会,不符合文章所给的内容）.
总体来看,您的文章已经比较成型.加油!The more you practice, the better you will be.

帮忙评一下分（30）并修改,高中英语作文请哪位老师帮忙修改一下英语作文,指出错误, 高中的英语作文，请英语老师帮忙看一下哪有语法错误或者有错误的地方告诉我一下，如何修改的更好谢谢老师我写的高考英语作文,请专家老师帮忙评分(2011江苏) （满分25）哪位老师帮忙修改一下作文请老师帮忙修改一*文，并讲一下这种文体的写作技巧，谢谢! 请老师帮忙修改一*文，并讲一下演讲稿如何写，谢谢！请老师帮忙修改一*文，并讲解一下这种文体的写作技巧请老师帮忙评改作文，并帮忙讲解一下这种文体的写作技巧，谢谢老师！雅思作文,求修改建议并评分~ 求助：雅思作文评分并修改请老师看看这篇作文怎么样？请帮忙修改一下。